“Ouch” I whispered as I slipped on the icy ground . The frozen lake and the slushy grass hit me in the legs . I could hear the sounds of the ice breaking in front of me.I could see the cars covered in snow as white as a avalanche on Mount Everest. Is there ice in my hands? I mumbled . Yes whispered Finn .The time was over and we came back.
The end
Nick you have produced an interesting piece of writing. I like how you have used a simile to describe how white the frost was ("as white as an avalanche on Mount Everest").
ReplyDeleteI also like how you have used dialogue to add interest to your writing. Next step is to use correct punctuation for the dialogue.
Well done Nic!
Mr Taylor